The Fear of Electricity

Sometimes, things are better left unsaid..
Other times, things must be shouted for the fate of not imploding.

Things are scary. Life is scary.

Even the small parts of life can occasionally be scary.
The smallest fear..... being...(thinking space)... holding hands. And, when you become brave enough and defeat that fear it must be yelled to everyone who can hear you.

Like today for example. I may be loud and ostentatious, but the whole relationship starter kit has never been sent to me. haha Let's just say I freak out whenever having that open-door-opportunity to date. Anyway, today was wonderful.

We were watching my now favorite movie, "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs," I know, so romantic right? (Brief chuckle) As we go on.. my arm touched his. As if on que in that very moment the electricity started flowing, and he smiled. Then everything slowed down and he put his hand in mine. It was almost as if the clock in his room was moving backwards.

I let his hand go and the clock went back into its normal rhythmic motion.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

He asked if it were that terrible to hold his hand. I answered no, and held his hand ag...(The clock slows down) aaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
Then the clock went back into its normal rhythmic motion.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

My watch's hands moved back and forth every minute or two and his phone's clock had to be reset a couple of times. While he was putting his phone back into order, I had a quick thought.. What if I just kissed him? Right then and there? Would he be against me for it? Would he be happy ab- the movie credits came up.

We were holding hands.



I really need to figure this whole thing out.




But while I do the figuring I'll be holding his hand and shouting to the world that I did it... I let go of my fears!

The Stones and Sticks of Being 5 and 6

It was 1:23am on a Sunday morning.

Running and Playing Pretend

As my feet dashed through the mud of the private property near my house.. I could hear laughing. Why did it sound so familiar? The hidden chuckles propelled me forward.

I jolted by angry rodents and pestered bugs and I saw nothing but the blur that surrounded me. I was running extremely fast, so fast that I don't think my body was ready for the amount of wind surging past my face and rushing through my ears. The stinging in my eyes couldn't take it and immediately started to tear. Not being able to see my surroundings I stumbled, then crashed into the mud that was all over my favorite tennis shoes (It now covered my face and jeans, as also did some minor cuts and bruises. Through the field I had made it into the wood and realized I was probably close enough to see who it was that kept laughing. I was. The joyful laughter stood not 15 feet away, had chopped blond hair and was almost as muddy as me. I recognized him the second I laid my eyes on him.

Seeing the face that I hadn't for two years (days), I sprinted with all might- then well, knocked him over.

This was my best friend! And when he spoke he said the most lovely thing I had heard in ages, "Jane, you're crushing my spine..."
ahem... cough cough... Okay, maybe NOT the LOVELIEST thing I'd ever heard, but it was still him and still his voice.

"I missed you Oskar!" I nearly screamed.
"I missed you too, and I have one question."
"Anything!"
"Why are you still on top of me?"
"Oh yeah... I still am aren't I? Hahaha, well, I can change that." Getting up, feeling disappointed I asked him how he knew I'd be running at this time in the morning. His sarcastic remark made me egg on the importance of playing pretend (Not being shown for profanity).

"Fine.. But, this is the last time Jane, we're getting too old for this..." As he trailed off into the thought of his lines I stared at him patiently, "Um..oh, right. I. Don't. Know. Janet. I. Needed.... Some time to think."

Pretending Over

"Okay Osc, now that our 'hello' is finished what do you want to play? Cops and Robbers? Monsters? Marathon?" I waited expectantly.

"I actually wanted to talk.. My mommy said you were moving today, how come you didn't tell me it was today?"

To tell you the truth I didn't know i was moving that day.. I thought it would be sometime- on a different week, but of course that is what I kept saying to myself every week.

"I didn't know Osk.. I didn't know." My eyes welled up with tears.
"Ah Jane! Are you crying? Really? Come on it's okay! We'll see each other all the time! West Valley isn't that far away from Murray! I can ride my new bike!"

He looked to the ground as if he were trying to figure out how to stop Mt. St. Helens from exploding. Then the most magical thing happened. He kissed my cheek.
"Everything will be okay. Let's play marathon!" and he started running.

Standing shocked I hit myself in the face then started running.

I might've had to leave in 5 hours, but at least I'd always be with Oskar.

Those Moments

There will always be those days. The days where you see that one hot jogger and then crash your bike into a tree. The days when you're walking in the hallway and the beautiful new kid flips their hair as you blindly run into a locker, then (as if it were planned you..) collapse into the nearest garbage can.

THOSE days have happened to everyone.

But, there are also those other days, when you're fixing your crashed bike and look up to rub the perspiration off your forehead, when you see that one hot jogger- and smile.. then frown quickly as her boyfriend comes running behind her.

The other days when the beautiful new kid comes up to help you out of the can, and you smell as if you washed with yesterday's meatloaf and a dirty sock.

Yuppers, everyone has those days, but it's up to the person living them to make them their own. Sure, it doesn't always come out as Hollywood as you want it to, but as least it's not as predictable!

The Role Model: Example?

I've never thought about myself as someone people would look up to. Why would they, if I do stupid things like everyone else? I'm not anyone entirely poetic and wise or really pretty and busty, I'm just a dinky, dorky, bubbly teenage girl with black-banded braces and old-man glasses.

So, with these thoughts of what a role model SHOULD be... compared to how I am, you can understand my surprise when a younger friend of mine asked me to have a sleepover with her. She told me that she knew I was a popular person at the school I attend, and if I didn't want to hang out with her she would understand. "Woah," Is the only thought I could have at this point. I totally like this girl, and she really wanted me to accept her invitation to have a sleepover together. It made me feel like a complete jerk when said she thought she wasn't as great as me and that I could blow her off because of it.

I don't ever want to be that person, the person she was explaining, and if she DOES think of me as just, then why in the world is she looking up to me?

The second strangest person beside myself, is the one who has a crush on me

Awkward moments can happen anywhere at any time.

Kissing the girl you like on the cheek for the first time and missing, is just one example of an awkward moment.


Being the crazy gal I am, I went to a mixed sexed party tonight, to celebrate the final four loss of the academic team I was apart of! It was grand , with the nerdy boys I'm attracted to running around everywhere, I never felt more alive. Well, maybe- I mean, there WAS that one time... Anyway, back to my awkward moment example. One particular boy on the teem enjoys my body (if ya know what I mean), we hung out the whole shindig, then at the end of the night he tried to bribe a six-year-old to go up to me and kiss me on the cheek, so he could follow secondly. This I did not know, but I overheard the words "I betcha ten bucks!" Assuming this was something I could participate in I asked the girl next to me what they were betting on. She said something about kissing someone on the teem so I immediately kissed my fellow academic teem member on the cheek without hesitation, while the six-year-old blushed by realizing he was next up to peck at a teem member. As this was all going on in slow motion, the boy that likes me a little too much was moving in fast motion and ended up glossing the left lense of my goggled glasses. He ended up trying again after I voluntarily pecked his cheek,

.... And I have yet to stop smiling. :D